Lately, I have been feeling like a hypocrite.
; that my actions don't correlate with my reflective thoughts/ feelings.
I have been thinking about the value of accountability, considering responsibility in light of integrity.
Do my actions respond to my values; values that I have been brought up with and learnt from my environment. How is my moral/ ethical ecology?
Is my moral ecology functioning symbiotically within the world (including both human and non-human)?
Perhaps I need to consider what my values are.
What is my "fuel"?
What drives me to continue life; to evolve my myself? Why do I care about being a better human? A better woman? Possibly a mother one day?
What is better? It certainly means that I crave for the "best" because I know life, as it is, isn't "good".
Are my learnt values respondent to my actions and who I am perceived as in my community?
The Cyclic Relationship between Cause and Effect:
In writing this phrase, I suppose I am alluding to the constant interplay of action and thought. The ongoing process of thinking, then doing, then reflecting, so on and so forth; is a process that helps me connect my body with mind and my environment (the way I am perceived).
Regarding my practice, I've been thinking about the role of painting and its prevalence in my life. I believe art offers one of many creative outlets. However, I don't think it is an essential way that considers my being. I realise that there isn't a single path that considers it either. Through different phases/ contexts of my life, I (might) adopt various methods of creative discourse to express myself but also quietly observe in other phases of my "practice".
By no means do I think this is an original thought. It's a consideration I have wrestled with for a while. I think back to the times I have forced creativity (painting, writing, cooking, playing music, dancing, etc.) on myself even if it did not intuitively "possess" me to participate.
Creative methods that I want to be engaging with when my context/phase/ mindset is "elsewhere" collides against "what I should be doing" within the context of someone/something else's rational.
The relationship between "what I want to do" (the effect) vs "what I should be doing" (the cause) runs parallel against each other. How can I "close the loop" by being, actioning intuitively in seamless symbiotic relation to my introspective desires/ knowledge/ feelings/ spirit.
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